Conquering Invisible Workloads for Studio Owners with Kristine Irving - Coach KI

In a deeply engaging discussion, Michael Jay reconnects with Kristine Irving, a life coach and hypnotherapist, for her third appearance on Yoga Biz Champ Podcast. Kristine, once a yoga student and a business coach, delves into the complexities of the "invisible workload" and its impact on individuals, particularly those in nurturing or leadership roles like yoga studio owners. She emphasizes the overwhelming responsibilities that often fall on women, leading to stress, resentment, and a feeling of powerlessness. Through her personal experiences and professional insights, Kristine illuminates the path toward acknowledging these challenges, sharing methods to manage and redistribute these burdens effectively. This conversation is not only about identifying the roots of overwhelm but also about empowering oneself and others to create a balanced, supportive, and joyful life and work environment.

Highlights:
Invisible Workload Recognition:
Kristine talks about the "invisible workload" that many carry, especially women, which includes the mental and emotional labor of managing households, businesses, and relationships.

Emotional Awareness:
Understanding the emotions underlying the feelings of overwhelm, such as anger, loneliness, and powerlessness, is key to addressing the root causes.

Empowerment Through Delegation:
Kristine emphasizes the importance of delegating responsibilities, not as a means to relinquish duties, but to empower others around us and share the load.

Creating Support Systems:
The significance of building strong, supportive networks both in personal life and business to combat loneliness and promote a sense of community.

Reframing Mindsets: The journey from feeling powerless to recognizing one's own power and capability to make changes, including setting boundaries and learning to say, "Not my responsibility," to avoid overextension.

DIAGRAM MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE
& MORE INFO ON THE HIDDEN WORKLOAD
WITH COACH KI

Find Kristine on Instagram

This episode shines a light on the often overlooked aspects of mental and emotional labor, providing yoga studio owners and others with practical advice and strategies to mitigate stress, improve relationships, and foster a healthier, more balanced approach to work and life.
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Michael Jay - Yoga Biz Champ

Michael Jay, the Yoga Biz Champ, stands as the go-to Yoga Business Consultant, embarked on a mission to elevate yoga studios from mere survival to genuine thriving.

With a rich background as a yoga teacher, former studio owner, marketing expert, and yoga studio business coach, he possesses the insider knowledge necessary to elevate your yoga venture to new heights.

His passion for yoga, combined with a sharp business acumen and a sincere desire to see studio owners excel, encapsulates his professional ethos. Michael is not one to offer one-size-fits-all advice; instead, he's dedicated to providing tailored guidance, tangible outcomes, and supporting your studio to emerge as the next Yoga Biz Champ in your community. 

• Certified Yoga Biz Consultant • 
• FitTech Partner •
• Yoga Studio Launch & Growth Specialist

FREE RESOURCES AND BOOK A CHAT LINK
https://yogabizchamp.link/podlink

FREE RESOURCES AND BOOK A CHAT LINK
https://yogabizchamp.link/podlink

Transcript

YBC_Kristine3

Michael jay: [00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of Yoga Biz Champ, and I have got my third time returning bestie friend, Kristine Irving, Coach KI, was on my very first episode, 

Kristine Irving: Kristine. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so excited. 

Michael jay: This is your third appearance here and some people might know this about you. Some may not, but you started as a yoga student of mine when I had a studio you had a fellow business in a retail store in our small town.

Michael jay: You were a business coach to my studio. You are now a life coach. Hypnotherapist, life changer. And one of the most curiously engaged people I know and a multi year dear best friend to me. So Kristine Irving, Coach KI. Hey honey. 

Kristine Irving: Thank you, Michael. Hello. 

Michael jay: First question is why have you stuck [00:01:00] around so long?

Michael jay: We have never lost connection. Always one of us reaches out like when it's time it's like there's one of us always reaches out whether it's long distance or in person. 

Kristine Irving: Absolutely. Because I value our friendship so much. That's why. 

Michael jay: That's it. Thank you. Thank you. And when I wrote that little intro to you.

Michael jay: In it. When I say one of the most curious people, no, when you're having a conversation with Kristine, let's just say she's very present. You cannot drift off. Like she is engaged with your eyeballs and she truly. Wants to know about you. I do. It 

Kristine Irving: is so true. 

Michael jay: Yeah. I know. It's just that you're just like, tell me more, tell me everything.

Michael jay: Like you are just that person. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah. How could I not do what I do? That's what I look at it. How I look at it. That's it. That's just, I had to figure out how to do this for the rest of my life every day. [00:02:00] 

Michael jay: Yeah. Honestly, I think this is timely. So what we're talking about today, I have to confess, I know nothing about.

Michael jay: So we're going to be, I'll let you introduce this, concept of the inverted, the invisible workload formula. And I'm not female or any, any type of gender actually could probably, associate with this, but I'm assuming that there's typically a, somebody that is a she, her quite often in this kind of role.

Michael jay: And. So I don't understand being in that role. And so I want to hear everything from you. But what I do have an understanding is in my working with, and this has been a common theme, actually, on all the episodes this season. Is the overwhelmed yoga studio owner that is trying to do it all they're either launching or they're growing the business but then there's also family kids and a whole bunch of [00:03:00] other stuff and I know that this has been very It's coming up a lot for me and the mental health stuff is coming up a lot for me too.

Michael jay: My studio owners, we share, they share where they're at, emotionally. And I do too. And we have that kind of beautiful common bond. But this has been coming up, very frequently. And so I think this is super timely because this is your world right now. This is we're immersed in this space.

Michael jay: So yeah, tell me. Tell me how these amazing people can come through this overwhelm and yeah, 

Kristine Irving: and I think you're going to relate to a lot of what we talked about today. I think everybody does. You're right. Typically, when we talk about invisible workload, it's been typically women in a heterosexual relationship.

Kristine Irving: When we think of that, we think of that, that heavy mental load of Shouldering the lion's share likely all of those things that have to do with making your [00:04:00] household run smoothly, making sure everybody is nurtured and cared for all of that. That's typically what invisible workload has looked like.

Kristine Irving: But I think we're expanding this into all sorts of areas now, especially with business owners. So talking to your studio owners. And I can tell you, this is something, the reason I'm so wildly passionate about this is a, this has been probably my number one struggle for my entire adult life. And I actually even looked before my adult life and I think I was shouldering a lot of the mental load in certain areas.

Kristine Irving: I 

Michael jay: think. Were you aware of it during adult 

Kristine Irving: life? No, this, these words have never been said. Said to me, invisible workload was that I just knew I was mad at my husband all the time, , and I just didn't know why. Oh J.I. Poor J.I. I know, man. He's been a Guinea pig in this , so I'm very shout out Ji thank A to you.

Kristine Irving: So it has been really difficult, but I can tell you when it really amped up, Michael was when I was running my [00:05:00] stores. So like you mentioned, we had. Businesses together in the same community. And I had a couple of retail stores for 20 years. And for all of you studio owners, you, I know what's happening to you at three in the morning.

Kristine Irving: I'm it's I'm in bed with you. I understand. I get it. I can just hear your mind going, Oh my God, I got to remember to do that and do this and do that. It's that mental load. It's generally the things that come up in the middle of the night that keep you awake. That you're afraid you're going to forget to do all that kind of stuff.

Kristine Irving: It's the things that are not visible. It's exactly what it says. It's the invisible workload. So what was happening is all day at work, I was shouldering it because a big part and we'll get more into this in a little bit, I hope, but it's that I just felt it was all my responsibility. And when you own a business.

Kristine Irving: It is all your responsibility. It is, yeah. It sure is. So you really, not only are you feeling it, it's the, if I question every belief it's my favorite thing to do. And my, question [00:06:00] is always, is that true? And I think that I always believed that. It was I'm starting to question if that's true.

Kristine Irving: If running your business is all your responsibility. It's actually, in my opinion, total bullshit. It is not. It is. It is the team that we create and there's so many responsibilities that we can trust. We can delegate and that we can trust in the people that we hire. That's why that process is so important.

Kristine Irving: The community. Yeah, the community that You talk about community all the time, Michael. I know how important that is and your team. So I didn't know that then, man O you know if I did. Yeah. Yeah. But I felt it was all on me. So I went from my day at work feeling shouldering absolutely everything, thinking I had to keep my eye on everything.

Kristine Irving: So that mental load is very cognitive. It's that like kind of the invisible tasks, I got to do this. Remember this schedule this plan this [00:07:00] check on it. Oh my God, the constantly was it done? Did it get done right? That there's also something which I won't go into today. That's another podcast, maybe next season.

Kristine Irving: But the emotional load, which is more that one's more about regulating emotional responses to things. So that's making sure that Everybody's happy and everybody's cared for and you see the person who's maybe not doing so well and you spend that extra time Thinking about how to help them and so there's all these can you feel your shoulders heavy already?

Kristine Irving: Like it's just such a load then you go home and then you go home and you have got to figure out All the stuff. If you have kids, it's a whole other ball game. Even dogs, okay? I've got a couple dogs. They are a lot. And they are, I also had a child, by the way. I also, my, I had my son while I was going through all this as well.

Kristine Irving: So you go home and now you've got the dinner that you're thinking about. And you're not just making the dinner. It's not just the physical, [00:08:00] visible task. It's that you had to think about what you're going 

Michael jay: to get, you had to go shopping, you 

Kristine Irving: had to do it, timing. People think it's just the meal on the table.

Kristine Irving: That is, that's not it. And then 

Michael jay: you add on sports and commitment. Oh my goodness. Doctors appointments 

Kristine Irving: and yeah, exactly. It's so much and no wonder, again, I'm going to generalize a little just for the sake of this conversation. But again, no wonder women are getting sicker and sicker. We are finding out that all sorts of stress related diseases are on the rise, autoimmune conditions, cardiovascular conditions, or, cancers, all on the rise for women.

Kristine Irving: And it's no surprise because many years ago, this paradigm probably worked, right? Hunter gatherer out, getting food, woman at home, taking care of the house. That has changed. We are studio owners now. We are business owners. We are out there. And 

Michael jay: we're [00:09:00] coming home. We're the marketing person.

Michael jay: Sure. We're the salesperson. We're the team lead. We're the, 

Kristine Irving: yeah. You've got it. All of it. We are making the bacon, we're frying it up in the pan, we're beating it, we're doing all the things, we're remembering to get the bacon, we're remembering all the stuff. So we have all of this stuff on our shoulders. So it's really a big problem.

Kristine Irving: And point to my chair here, where my clients sit, and I cannot tell you how many are sitting in that chair. Talking to me about what's happening, the overwhelm, the stress that they're feeling in their lives. And over the last couple of years, I can't, this invisible workload thing will not leave my brain.

Kristine Irving: And when something like that happens, I know I have to keep going. So I'll just tell you one little thing, because it's interesting how it all has come full circle for me, which was about a year ago, I created a program. For people to deal with the invisible workload. And it's a solid program, great steps, research done.[00:10:00] 

Kristine Irving: I'm really proud of it. And then no one did it. It was just like a hilarious flop and I'm saying to my people I created this page for you. Take it, and they would just look at me and say, Oh, I just can't even don't even can read it. Like it's another task. It's another, it's what they said.

Kristine Irving: Now I got to figure it out for him. I've got to figure all of this out. And I could feel the overwhelm and I was struggling with that. So I put it on the back burner for a bit. And let's remember, I'm in this with you, I'm doing this too, I'm feeling this, it's why I'm so passionate about it. Come December, I got hit for the next two months with a I'm going to say a level of depression, that's exactly what it was, I'll label it for what it was, and I didn't even recognize myself, I was I was feeling.

Kristine Irving: All of this stuff. I was so angry at my husband all the time and the world at large that I had all this stuff going on and no one could see it. It was [00:11:00] invisible and I wasn't sleeping and I was, and I ended up getting really sick and I hadn't been sick. Yeah. Remember I was bragging that I hadn't been sick and so long because I was really looking after my mental health for so many years and I ended up getting really sick.

Kristine Irving: So I now started to think about it and I realized I was missing something so crucial to this program. And that's really what I wanted to share and I think would be super helpful for people listening. And it's like going right back to square one, what I do with my clients about almost any issue, which is find the emotion that's underneath.

Kristine Irving: What's happening? What's happening? How are we feeling? You were just about to say it, root cause. Yes, and then once we determine what those emotions are, we can determine what the root cause is. And then we can look at this kind of if anybody's familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy, there's this, paradigm that's used this loop that's used where it's your thoughts [00:12:00] lead to your emotions, which lead to your actions.

Kristine Irving: So it's like when I think that thought or believe that belief, I feel all these things and then I act a certain way, right? So that was the missing piece. So do you want to put up that thing that I sent you 

Michael jay: we'll put something in the show notes where people can get this from you. 

Kristine Irving: Oh, perfect. Wonderful. So you can just ignore all the wording at the top. I want you to just look at the Venn diagram. I love a good Venn diagram, right? Like I 

Michael jay: use this all the time. So you're going to have to describe the diagram, Kristine.

Kristine Irving: I'm going to. So Venn diagram, for those that don't know what that is, it's so we're looking here at these three circles which represent cells that have similar things inside of each of them. And then there's this Area that crosses over all three in the middle and that's the called the intersection and that's what they all have in common.

Kristine Irving: So I did this myself. I was honestly, I wish you could have seen my process of doing this. Michael. I was in a state. I was Thinking my own tools were not working [00:13:00] on me. What is going on? So I dug deep and I really looked at the emotions that were coming up And what i'm learning is that these emotions are very common So tell me if this relates at all at any time where you have felt like the overwhelm of this Mental load.

Kristine Irving: What does that feel like? One of the emotions is of course overwhelm. So that is That's really for me, the primary emotion that comes up in this area, but there's offshoots and you can see those other words that I popped in there and that can feel for different people like feeling exhausted, anxious, burnt out, cranky, and most of all that I am responsible for it all.

Kristine Irving: It's all on me. The responsibility is mine. And then another. Emotion that comes up, which is the one that you hear the most is anger, right? I'm angry and resentful at my partner whether that's at home or in business or wherever you're Maybe relating to what i'm talking about. It's [00:14:00] that anger and resentment That's always the primary emotion that seems to come up, isn't it?

Kristine Irving: We always like to look a little deeper to anger, but that might feel like Impatience, frustrated, even contempt. You start to just have this feeling of contempt. I have felt that. My, again, poor J. I., my poor husband. And then I knew I was I couldn't, and then I, as I did that and I got it all out and I was brainstorming it.

Kristine Irving: Then I started to feel unbelievably sad, and I was really getting at what that feeling was and the emotion that came up for me there was loneliness, and it was that I felt like I wasn't supported again back to being all on my own here, but it was a real feeling of sadness, grief over what I thought it would be.

Kristine Irving: look like I don't think anybody goes into like marriage or business and thinks, it's going to all be on me. I'm going to be doing, I'm going to be staying up at three in the morning thinking about every single thing that has to get done. So we almost, I had to 

Michael jay: grieve that. And I think loneliness can also be not being [00:15:00] heard.

Michael jay: Oh, totally. Absolutely. Your other words there are grief, sad, depressed, helpless. 

Kristine Irving: Yes, not being heard. Cause you, cause in that anger, likely you have been very loudly expressing what it is that you need and nothing changes. Nothing changes. So as we feel all these emotions, and I want to encourage people that are listening to this to, think about what your emotions are.

Kristine Irving: Are they similar to what I have felt? Do you feel like you fit into this? Or maybe you do your own Venn diagram, and you come up with your own emotions. 

Michael jay: What I like about this is the way you visualize it, it's not linear. When I think about linear, that could be like, okay the trigger, the trigger, and then we go into anxiety and then maybe into a loop thought pattern and then into depression.

Michael jay: Whereas you're looking at this as anger, overwhelm, loneliness, all creates a [00:16:00] feeling of powerness. And they would be all at different degrees, right? 

Kristine Irving: Yep. Cause when we have to choose just one I'll tell you, if we have to choose just one, most of us are going to choose anger and then we're really going to miss it.

Kristine Irving: We're going to miss how we can help ourselves through this. 

Michael jay: What do you mean by choose? If you 

Kristine Irving: were to say more linear, if you had to say, what am I feeling? What does that 

Michael jay: lead to? The feeling. Yeah. That is the feeling, but it's probably not the trigger, right? The anger. The anger is. Probably a result 

Kristine Irving: of.

Kristine Irving: That's right. There's the trigger, the circumstance or trigger, like you called it that comes up is, can be so many different things, can't it? If you think about what could be a trigger, it could be something, one big trigger is when somebody says to someone who carries the mental load, just tell me what to do and I'll do it.

Kristine Irving: Or you just have to 

Michael jay: ask. Because you actually have to do it by saying it, you've got to go through. Yeah. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah. [00:17:00] Yes. And then isn't it just easier to do it yourself? That's what you find. And you do. So this is, this loop continues. And this is why here we are thousands of years later, still in the same bloody paradigm.

Kristine Irving: Right. 

Michael jay: Can you tell me examples of that? Of people feeling powerless. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah. So on that note, so then what you probably are referring to is what was that, what is the core belief? What's at the intersection of all three? And it is the feeling, the belief rather, the belief, the thought that I am powerless, no matter what I do.

Kristine Irving: So in answer to your question that it's like that, some examples of that, Are feeling very deflated. You've maybe even gone to the trouble of trying to communicate with your partner. Some of these emotions and then nothing changes. So you think no matter what I do, maybe you've come and talk to Kristine and she's giving you a bunch of tips.

Kristine Irving: So maybe you went on and followed, trying to follow my. initial [00:18:00] attempt at my program. Attempt two is going to be really great. But maybe you've done that and nothing has changed and you feel powerless. And then how do you so when I feel powerless, I feel like I'll think of maybe I'll use a, a heavier example, but I'm all good now. So it's a good one to use. But when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I felt super powerless, right? There was, I didn't know really what was going on.

Kristine Irving: I was so used to being coached 

Michael jay: to give up your power to the doctors. 

Kristine Irving: Oh my exactly. And then they were not saying the same things and it was very confusing. And I felt all of these emotions, at different degrees, I felt all of those emotions. And then what we want to really look at is when we feel that we're powerless and we can't make a change or a difference or anything in our life, nothing works.

Kristine Irving: And we feel all of these emotions. So back to that cognitive behavioral loop, right? I think this thought, I'm [00:19:00] totally powerless. I feel all these anger, overwhelm, loneliness, kind of emotions. How do I show up? So if you think about times at home or in your business, if you can relate to any of these, like even looking at, let's just look at anger.

Kristine Irving: I'm, you're feeling angry. How do you think you show up? Maybe use business as an example, Michael, like if you're feeling angry, how do you think you would show up for your clients, for your staff, for your instructors? How would you show up?

Michael jay: For me it's hard. I'd probably be pretty quiet. So you retract maybe a little. I would definitely, for me, I would definitely retract and be all in my head. Yeah. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah. Yeah. Right here. Heart's not there. Yeah. So that exactly. We all handle these emotions differently, right? It can show up different ways for some people.

Kristine Irving: It's super edgy being snappy. If they're feeling that [00:20:00] anger, sometimes they're just. Even physical, right? Like I know for me, I get an immediate headache when I'm angry. Like it's immediate, like right there. I 

Michael jay: clench my fist 

Kristine Irving: physically. So it's just, and how good is that for us? The yogis of the world goes all the way up to the neck.

Kristine Irving: You got it. So it's like all of that. And maybe we even say things that we When normally you lash out a little bit and then it's Oh my God. And then by the way, total loop. Now you're up at night thinking, how am I going to repair that? I snapped it, my instructor or something like that.

Kristine Irving: So anger. So we want to look at the behaviors. Like these are the actions that are coming out. When you look at something like overwhelm, that's more like hoof, right? That's more shut down. Oh, it's all just feel your shoulders like being a pressure. It is all on me that responsibility that stress and then if it's happening at home and you're feeling overwhelmed, who's going to want to do social things, who's going to want to take on, do something [00:21:00] fun, who's going to want to ever do that, take on a new hobby or a new project.

Kristine Irving: No way. When I am talking to my clients that are in this state of overwhelm, and they want to bring maybe, they realize they need more joy in their life, and we start to talk about ideas, I see them just going whoa. Like how they did with the program. Too much. I can't take on more. I am up to here.

Kristine Irving: So there's that feeling of overwhelm. And then the last one, which is, if you're feeling lonely, how do you show up? Like, how do I then show up in my world? And again, loneliness. Having that feeling that I'm not supported by anyone, like I'm an island on my 

Michael jay: own. Yeah, it doesn't have to be not being around people, right?

Michael jay: That's 

Kristine Irving: right. No, yeah. So then sometimes what happens there is you get that heavy. That's another kind of a heaviness in your body that can be more of a depressed feeling. 

Michael jay: Yeah. Yeah. I see that even with the studio owners, I say this a lot. Studio ownership can be a lonely world [00:22:00] because nobody else understands this crazy.

Michael jay: Weird world of ours, it's that we're responsible for making students happy, teachers happy getting things right. It's this, it's a lot. And 

Kristine Irving: keeping it and keeping the lights on, by the way. So then I've also got that going, let's not even, financial pressure alone when we're running a business like that or any business it's, yeah, it can be really, thank God you have this community.

Kristine Irving: Honestly, that is so incredibly important that maybe it goes into more like, how can we help ourselves in these? Because one thing with loneliness is we do feel disconnected. That is that disconnect. And. Most of us have gone into our businesses, most businesses, not all, of course, but have an element of bringing people together, don't they?

Kristine Irving: Like it's a boat connection. And here you are feeling lonely and disconnected. It's super, super tough. It feels like cognitive dissonance, it's I believe this one thing, but I'm doing this other [00:23:00] thing. 

Michael jay: And on the last podcast, Gilligoni is a wonderful, inspirational young woman that just sold her studio for 30 percent over asking.

Michael jay: And yeah, she was, she, yeah. Amazing person. But she was talking about that same thing about that, it's that loneliness. Yeah. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah it's, so you imagine when you have this storm of all of these things going on, and it's just what the hell do we do now? Like, where do we even start?

Kristine Irving: It can feel really like such an uphill climb and it can feel really. 

Michael jay: So when you work with your clients on this, how does Them being aware of their root causes, their triggers, their overwhelm, and I think being aware of the invisible workload. I think that's step one in any therapy, right? It's like the awareness.

Michael jay: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. But so how does that manifest that awareness? How does that manifest afterwards? How are you seeing that change? Sure. [00:24:00] 

Kristine Irving: Like how it is how do they get help? You mean like how, yeah, so you're so right about the awareness. That's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm becoming more and more vocal about this invisible workload because I've seen it as something that people sometimes don't want to talk about.

Kristine Irving: I'm not a real fun person to have at a party right now. Cause 

Michael jay: doing a little research at 

Kristine Irving: parties. Are you? Yeah. My, my male friends are very happy with me these days. So it is. And even a lot of the women because they're washing the dishes more 

Michael jay: of it. 

Kristine Irving: Yes. They're just there, everyone's a bit on edge, right?

Kristine Irving: It's one of these topics that isn't really, it's shaking it up. It's shaking it up. And I'm excited about talking about it because I do believe so strongly there's a solution to this. And I do think starting by talking about it and realizing. What's in it for all of us if we can come if we can get beneath we can understand what that root causes and let's just say [00:25:00] for argument's sake that we do all share that feeling of I'm powerless.

Kristine Irving: There's nothing I can do. We want to look at that belief like I do in my work every day. That's what you know, I'm a hypnotherapist. That is exactly what I look at is let's get to the core. Let's get to the root belief and let's rewire. That belief. It doesn't, I'm sure everybody can probably figure out what rewiring I'm powerless would look like.

Kristine Irving: And that would be that I, of course, that I am powerful like that. So right away we have to start to look at the. And 

Michael jay: you give them the tools to rewire, 

Kristine Irving: I know you do that. Absolutely. Yes. There's lots of different ways to do it. Of course, for me, it really is about doing this work that we've been talking about for the last, I don't know how long we've been talking, just time flies.

Kristine Irving: But it is doing that work first, really understanding, going deeper, even where do I hold this emotion in my body? How do I release it? Movement, yoga. Oh, my [00:26:00] favorite. I tell all my clients, like move that emotion through change your 

Michael jay: life. It 

Kristine Irving: changed my life. Yeah, first yoga class. I'm a balling mess in my car on the way home calling this Michael.

Kristine Irving: I don't know what happened to me. Anyways. So yes, but letting those emotions, flow through you before taking the next step, which is then 

Michael jay: taking that, taking yeah, 

Kristine Irving: that missing step was that key missing step 

Michael jay: integration. 

Kristine Irving: Yeah. And being able to then go, okay, what? Do I really want at the end of this?

Kristine Irving: I mean anybody I know you help your clients set goals and all of that and I'm sure that's like number one question or one of the top is what do we want at the end of this? What are we? What are we striving? What are we working towards and you know for those of us in relationships? We want a strong, loving, equal partner.

Kristine Irving: We want somebody that we can have fun with and be happy and joyful and have great [00:27:00] sex and intimacy. All those things. That's what this is about. 

Michael jay: Great way to celebrate. By the way, folks, Kristine and J. I., spontaneously dance in the kitchen. We do just 

Kristine Irving: did it. Not today. I spontaneously danced this morning by myself.

Kristine Irving: But yeah, we do it all the time. And that's a big part of it. But I'll tell you, if I felt completely overwhelmed that day, and he didn't show up as my equal partner. I'm not really much up for dancing because I'm just not up for that. So this is about creating the environment that is, and I don't want to keep using sexual terms, but that is the foreplay, like that is the part that sets the foundation for a fun, loving relationship is if we can feel like we have an equal partner.

Kristine Irving: So if we can talk to our. Partners, whether it be in business, and that's the same kind of idea, right? What is it that we want? What kind of environment culture do we want? It's, most people are going to say, [00:28:00] I want to have this equal partnership. You don't want one person taking on the lion's share.

Kristine Irving: Because 

Michael jay: the support systems are important. That's, they're 

Kristine Irving: so important. So important. So we had that discussion. So it really is starting to communicate a lot. Once we've done that, really, I think that's the crux of what, you and I are talking about today. Of course, there's a lot of steps that kind of even come after that which I can help anybody through.

Kristine Irving: And if follow me and I'm going to be talking about a lot of these things, but essentially. Once we do that, we do start the process of divvying up tasks. That is important. People start there. That's the mistake, right? Don't start with that. I actually start with the tasks. No, I have a, I have on my website, I call it the list where I've written every task I can possibly think of, because some people just think that's a big part of the work is even just writing down all the things that have to be done.

Kristine Irving: And in it, [00:29:00] it's about thinking about things, thinking about ordering dog food or like thinking about, that's a task. You've got to delegate. That gets to be one, by the way, and then you start to divvy that up. So that is a really important part of it. And then when we're doing that, we have to remember this is a bit of a trial period for a while, our mind loves what's familiar, right?

Kristine Irving: That means safety to us. So this is shaking stuff up. So if all of a sudden your spouse or your partner is doing a job that you normally do, And maybe not doing it great. We need to have some grace for that. That's a really important part of this. Understand, eye on the prize, man. We've got to be able to give each other some grace in this period where we're just learning.

Kristine Irving: That's a really important part. And then we move into setting boundaries for ourselves, making sure that we don't step in and do that job that we've delegated, and think about business. Think [00:30:00] about your studios right now for a moment. Are you already thinking that way?

Kristine Irving: Oh yeah, I was already. 

Michael jay: Go for it. I was just no. I was just thinking about, all the, just all the things at the studio. It's just, it is overwhelmed for people. And I see the shutdown happen. That's what I, that's what I see. And I think, people having this understanding of all the little tiny little things, because even me, I'm, I'm not in that situation, but I'm using Apple reminders, all day long, remind me to do this, remind me to do that.

Michael jay: And at the end of the day, I haven't done them all. And I've got this screen full of reminders that are just making me feel worse. Yeah, 

Kristine Irving: Totally. So imagine being able to say, who can I. Delegate some of this stuff to like, we start to look at our workload, right? And the team and, maybe even some items, what can I ditch?

Kristine Irving: Like some things, we actually can. I talk a lot about that. That's a Martha Beck who I trained under for coaching. She uses the three B's right where, [00:31:00] you can. You can barter it, so you can get somebody, which is what we're talking, get somebody else to do that, and you do this, and you can barter it you can batch it, so you do it with other things, so it's more efficient, and you can bag it, so you can choose some things that you need to bag, but really that delegation, and then being able to give that responsibility, that's the word here.

Kristine Irving: Like with 

Michael jay: expectations and clear communication, you got it 

Kristine Irving: and then be able to hand it to that person. No one likes to be micromanaged, right? Once we've been given a job, we want to roll with it, but we also need back to giving a little grace. It's going to take a little time. So 

Michael jay: it's empowering that team, but the same time in personal life with a.

Michael jay: Partner, you're gonna be empowering, you know that too, right? 

Kristine Irving: Totally. Like I think this is about like when we use that term and I love that you just used it a couple times about empowering like this really is, taking away [00:32:00] like really looking at that, that old Transcribed by https: otter.

Kristine Irving: ai Lie and that's what it is that you are powerless. That is a lie. That is not a true belief. It's just a belief. Beliefs are not facts and it is taking that lie and empowering yourself and those around you. How amazing right now we all are feeling more powerful and more in a partnership and that there isn't someone what I know with every And I'm hoping to, talk to more, but those that have been willing to share, they don't like this either.

Kristine Irving: They don't want their partner taking all this on. They don't like seeing them tired and cranky and, they don't nitpicking and yeah. And then that's when the naggy stuff, there's all those things, all those lovely terms start coming up. Yeah. So it really is more about. Understanding that sort of last step, I want everybody to hear these words.

Kristine Irving: And it's repeat these [00:33:00] to yourself on repeat. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Because once you have delegated, then you've got to say that. I actually, in my mind, have an image of scissors all the time. I use this a lot. Yeah. I feel because I'm attached to all these things, like a string, and I think of this, balloon at the top with all my Things that I'm responsible for people.

Kristine Irving: I'm responsible for all sorts of things. I just start 

Michael jay: snipping. Oh, I love that visual. And I feel like, Oh my, even in my own life lately, I've been saying that a lot. It's not your responsibility. It's not your thing. Make your own party. 

Kristine Irving: Not my circus, not my monkeys. I love that one. Anything along those lines.

Kristine Irving: But it's very, so whatever works for you, 

Michael jay: but they all need a t shirt line. 

Kristine Irving: Yes. Totally. Yes. I love it. Actually. Can you put that on your list? Remember to get back to me on that. Anything on this podcast belongs to Yoga 

Michael jay: Biz Champ 

Kristine Irving: [00:34:00] now. 

Michael jay: Yeah. Hello. Coach KI. I just, you keep it real with, life.

Michael jay: Going through all these challenges of life, I'm talking about this a lot as well. Lately we face these challenges, but we always grow from them and hopefully come out stronger on the other side. And I think the work that you're doing. And your passion and your curiosity. It's just so important.

Michael jay: And I'm going to encourage anybody interested in this work, or if they want to see the visual that she had today, or to book a chat with Kristine, it's coach KI. com. Thank you. Yeah. You're amazing. Do you have anything else to say to these amazing human beings forging through the world, trying to try to make the.

Michael jay: The world a better place. I think 

Kristine Irving: just, you are not [00:35:00] responsible for everybody else. You are powerful beyond measure, to quote Marianne Williamson. You are powerful beyond measure. And even though this can look really overwhelming at first glance, it's really not, and it is nothing compared to the stress you are feeling right now.

Michael jay: Amen. 

Kristine Irving: Hallelujah. Love you too, 

Michael jay: sweetie. Thank you.